Everyone knows the old laugh: So what does a lesbian bring to a 2nd date? (A U-Haul, of program.)

Within the popular imagination, lesbians utilize their beds for reading, sipping organic tea, and hanging along with their kitties. Put another way, certainly not intercourse. But where did this basic concept of “lesbian sleep death” come from? Thank sociologist Pepper Schwartz, who, in her own 1983 guide United states Couples, asserted that lesbians have less intercourse and closeness than many other partners. Although her methodology and outcomes had been later challenged, the basic concept of lesbian sleep death has had for a life of the very very very own, with damaging outcomes.

The truth lies somewhere in between: Lesbians who have been sleeping together for decades manage to keep their love lives spicy despite the shibboleth that women’s sexuality is something wild that has to be controlled, and the stereotype of lesbians as the asexual mirror-image of horndog gay men. Besides, the lesbians who’re in long-lasting relationships would argue that most partners have sick and tired of marathon sex.

“In the beginning, you’d instead have sex than eat or go to work,” says comedian Suzanne Westenhoefer, who has been with spouse Jennifer for six years. “But then it offers to decelerate, or we wouldn’t have workforce. It gets to be more about establishing a date for intercourse rather than allowing it to fall by the wayside. That’s why the thing is therefore many individuals break up: The intercourse got monotonous or required work, and neither knew just how to take action. Intercourse inside our tradition is situated strictly from the intensity associated with start. No body speaks concerning the center or later on.”

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